Tuesdays, Morrie, Paideia, Life, n' All that

This isn’t my first time to be reading Tuesdays with Morrie either but it is my first time to be rereading it. I remember it as being one of the first books that really meant something to me (my dad picked it out for me) and I believe it communicates something very important without a lot of the shame or sugar that most of those with messages of love or anti-materialism usually possess. Of course, at the same time this book is still a bit harder for me to say that I absolutely love because even though I understand Mitch’s feelings and perspective are realistic and his own, they still bother me so completely the entire time because death isn’t something that I go long periods of time without giving some serious thought, especially when I’m faced with old age – forget old age + terminal illness. I don’t mean to sound morbid or creepy or fatalistic or anything, I just mean that whether or not you’ve got some extra illness on top of things like Morrie or not, you’re still dying just from being alive and that should be reminder enough to not just rudely ignore and wave off your old mentor’s welcoming smiles just so you can finish up a cell phone conversation.

I really do, do my best everyday to remind myself a little everyday of just how necessary it is for me to be appreciative of what I’ve been given and of what I’ve experienced so I adore characters like Morrie but have a difficult time ever really coming around to prodigals like Mitch even though I know his “repentance” or lesson-learned or whatever is meant to redeem and endear him in my eyes.

Actually, that’s a social norm or more that I find really interesting, the whole acceptance or praise of the prodigal. They are characteristically the ones who are cheered for being able to seize the moment or “really live” (aka, put a career before others, behave recklessly, spend money recklessly or selfishly, etc) but then realize their mistakes after some horrible personal loss whether it be like Morrie or financial loss or death of reputation that they then repent and are accepted open-armed and better appreciated than those (again, like Morrie) who remained constant in their dedication to a virtuous/good/lawful/charitable life. I’m a Christian as I’m sure you know so I do understand and greatly appreciate the parable of the prodigal though I appreciate it more from a religious standpoint than from the position most books and movies put on it. I know it isn’t Christianly of me to hold grudges or to have trouble trusting people when they should be forgiven but it’s a flaw I live with and openly admit (I am working to correct it) but even in the book I still found myself wondering in the end if a while after Morrie was dead would Mitch really still hold so constantly and steadfastly to the lessons he’d learned? They certainly hadn’t stuck the first time he’d learned them.

I like to think, in answer to my own question, that he was changed more permanently for the better, though I know that many people – including myself – forever find themselves moving in circles. Finding a mistake, working to erase it, and then finding it crop up somewhere else. Mitch even admitted that he found through his time with Morrie that he had become more and more like his pre-Morrie college self and less and less like the enlightened young man that had graduated. For me, this aspect of myself, of people, and of society, this constant need to be better, to be enlightened, this constant realization that we aren’t there yet, and then the just as constant method of notice-complain-move on drives me up the wall. It’s something about college that really gets my goat as well – I am a very hopeful, very optimistic person (I think, anyway) but when people start talking about ideals and the greatness of love and the appreciation of the little things over materialism and career-driven lives, though it’s nice talk, I only find myself getting more and more frustrated because it seems to always only be talk. Most of this is probably due to a greater, deeper frustration within myself to do more and contribute more to the betterment of society and simply finding myself not knowing how to do so. I hate the wait-till-you’re-out-of-school-and-into-the-real-world excuse – “real world”, what does that even mean? – but it seems that the be nice, be appreciative approach just isn’t cutting it as half the time I do find myself being randomly nice or particularly upbeat I find people sneering at my optimism or upset because my good mood comes off as unsympathetic or ignorant or they simply feel that being happy or positive makes me in some way less intelligent – why is it that so many people after reading a book, seeing a movie, seeing a play, hearing a song, meeting a new person, always seem to be struck by the need to find something wrong with it before they feel like their praise of it may be taken seriously?

I know that’s probably hypocritical given my aforementioned opinion on the book that I’m supposed to be talking about but that’s what happens when I just start going.

Sorry about that :p

The Club

I will never want to go to the Boys and Girls club alone. I like children and have worked with them in Sunday school classes, various summer programs and camps, and countless nights of babysitting but I still don’t feel terribly comfortable around them or that they every particularly take to me. I’m a pretty shy person and I know when you’re working with children of any age that you have to be able to open up and really put yourself out there whether to just have fun with them or have a serious discussion. So, seeing as how this’ll be a bit of a stretch for me, I think going with at least one other person – even if we split up once we arrive – will still help me to feel calmer and better able to loosen up. Also, I don’t have a car so while I could bike, it would be much more convenient if I could bum a ride with someone (I apologize for that!).

Personally, I hope that working with these kids will help me to fight back more of this shyness and become more confident with myself in this sort of role. As for accomplishments, I’d just like to help somebody have a better day whenever I go in. That’d be good for me.

I have worked with kids both individually and in groups and, really, it depends almost totally on the kids on which works better for me. I’m not the most sport-oriented person in the world but I am willing to, of course, play games or at the very least referee them if my skills prove truly deplorable :p . I’d be happy to go in for up to two-ish hours on a week day but on, say, Fridays or Saturdays, I could probably go in for more if necessary. Really, the timing just depends on how lenient my professors feel like being homework-wise from week to week.

As for activities, it really doesn’t matter much to me seeing as it is all so dependent on the kids and the situation. When I worked as a camp counselor it was always necessary to have a structured plan to things or the kids would get antsy and there was always a good handful of them so if we didn’t keep to the schedule of things then chaos of who wanted to do what would break out. However, for babysitting I pretty much never went in with a game plan and would end up doing everything from pretending to be a pilgrim at a marketplace to the simple chase the kid around the couch until he gives up for another hour of mind-numbing SpongeBob DVDs. I’m willing to do what the kids need/prefer though it’ll take me a bit to really loosen up and get into whatever it is that we’re doing. This shouldn’t really be that big of a deal for me or my shyness, it’s just an annoying tendency I have and would definitely like to rid myself of (you’re not supposed to leave a dangling participle).


Till then

End of Semester

This semester has been absolutely grueling. It’s pretty safe to say that I won’t take this many hours again – when 17hrs sounds like a break, you know you’ve hit rock bottom—but who’s complaining? I learned plenty this time around and have certainly enjoyed myself without going too crazy. This first shot at Paideia has seemed to go by with shocking speed, which I suppose can be attributed to only meeting every other week, but I have, honestly, really enjoyed it and our discussions. I am happy to have an outlet like Paideia to talk about things that interest and affect me where I normally wouldn’t even allot the time to read and think about on my own let alone seriously discuss and consider with others. I know it sounds corny, but this course has already begun to change my opinion about different people and different topics and is already helping me to approach issues with a more open, more willing perspective.

I think it would be great if there were more opportunities for our group to meet outside of the class discussion meetings – perhaps not always at Dr. G’s house as hostess-ing can get tiring fast – but I think that really helped me feel more comfortable and better able to open up and talk in class. I also think it’d be beneficial if people started commenting on blog postings. I know I don’t get to read everyone’s and that I don’t always comment on those that I do read but I have been trying to make an effort lately to do so – so, all around, including myself, I think that’s one aspect of the course that we could improve upon.

My favorite part of this semester’s class was probably going to Dr. G’s house and playing volley ball – dodge ball was fun but terrifying as only our dear David can make it. I’m not good with team sports, A) just because I’m not good at them and B) because I don’t like working with others much. I can be a real control freak when I want to be and I missed sharing day in kindergarten, so whilst I usually end up okay after group work and everything pans out just dandy-fine, I’m not always happy about it to begin with – in other words, it was and usually is a good exercise for me if I’m not thrilled about it on the way in. And besides that the food was scrumptious! (Thanks again, Dr. G! :D) So, even though I grumbled about it, I did end up having fun and was plenty glad that I’d been able to go – plus it was kind of hilarious seeing the political divide between the neighborhoods :p
Then I was just wondering about what we would be doing next semester as far as discussion time goes – are we going to continue on with the 50 Facts book? That would suit me just fine, I’ve really enjoyed it, and I’m sure we’ll continue with Newsweek (as I hope we do) but could we maybe also have a Student’s Choice kind of a thing as well? As in, for a presentation either instead of or a part of one of the 50 Facts, the presenter could pick out any article they like at least a week in advance, email everyone the link, and then present on that topic? It was just a thought since I know we definitely have a diverse group and I still don’t feel like I completely have a grip on where everybody’s standing right now.

It’d also be greatly appreciated if EVERYONE would speak up in class. Don’t get me wrong, I know I can be quiet and I know I can be chatty, and I’m endlessly grateful and glad for those in class who share on a regular basis but there are some people in our group that I feel I know hardly at all simply because they never pipe up with anything. What’s the point of Paideia if you don’t want to participate? I apologize, I don’t want to be harsh or mean because if it’s just shyness then I can relate more than you think, but I just don’t want to go through the next few years in the class and feel like I missed out on half the group.

At any rate – thank you everyone because I have really enjoyed this and I do really appreciate all of you. You’re all wonderful people and I’m glad to be a part of our group.

Till next time, take care, be safe, say a prayer, and bon voyage!

Torture Warrants Discussion Revisited

So, the other day I was talking to a very dear friend of mine concerning our past group discussion about torture warrants and I was so impressed by what he said that I thought I'd toss it out for you guys to see what you have to say (if anything) in response. I urge you to please not just brush this perspective off as silly or too idealistic because, after all, doesn’t America pride itself on being a place where ideals can be achieved?

Essentially his response was that underground torture or legalized torture--either way--was still torture and still wrong and, in fact, so morally wrong that it should be eradicated in any and all cases--even including the ticking bomb scenario. He said he would rather be victimized and innocent than be safe and a practitioner of such evil.

This is, of course, amazingly idealistic and I'm sure plenty of you are thinking he's either radically religious or he's just not thinking it through or he's just flapping his gums to sound good while he's in such a comfortable position as Southwestern, but I assure you, though he be religious, he's hardly radical, and he's in the top ten percent of our class -- if not the top five, and throughout our discussion proved to have shown this a great deal of serious, considering thought. This is a well-rounded individual who was able to say with great confidence that which I would've liked to have said but lacked the courage and self-assurance within myself to say. It’s true, we could brush a statement like this off with a simple: “it’s never going to happen, so why talk about it?” – but that’s precisely why it won’t happen! We didn’t say that to Cait’s suggestions on how to end world hunger and malaria and yet that, in my mind, is every bit as radical and idealistic and possible as this idea of an America that doesn’t sink to the use of torture.

However, on the flip side, I am still convinced that should I be put in the situation, should I be given the choice between the potential loss of my family and the torture of an individual who could potentially produce the information necessary to keep them safe -- I am almost completed certain that I would fall very, very short of what my religious beliefs demand of me and of what I personally feel is morally sound. Despite all rights and wrongs, good and evil, I don't know if I could ever risk my family over sticking a sterilized needle under someone's fingernail. I hope, eventually, to be able to say with all confidence that I would do otherwise.

Idealistic or not, this is feasible and it is capable of switching out America’s reputation as one of the most hated to one of the most respected nations on earth – so why should we stick up our noses to the possibility?

Off Campus Event

I love art. I especially love art history. There are so many cultures without written histories that, through their art alone, can be beautifully illuminated. Thanks to this interest I’ve been to many an art museum and taken multiple art history classes but despite it all, every time, without fail, whenever I run into the door to Modern Art, I stick up my nose, cross my arms, and roll my eyes.

So, given this obvious and admitted prejudice, it was a stretch for me to go to the Blanton Museum of Art and attempt to enjoy the latest Modern Art exhibit. When I first arrived, I prefaced myself with a bit of Medieval Art before plunging into the great unknown. The exhibit was called: Reimagining Space: The Park Place Gallery Group in 1960s New York. There was a tour going on when I stepped in, I could’ve joined, probably should have, but even as I prepared to sneak up and try to look inconspicuous behind a group of kids, I found myself suddenly distracted by a particularly crisp shadow upon the white wall. I stepped to the side to match my shadow up with it and found, suddenly, with a bit of a laugh at myself, that it wasn’t a shadow at all. It was a part of the exhibit. The closer I looked the more I found several shadows all to be fake and, most probably, totally passed by, by most of the other spectators.

Simple an idea though it was, I found myself suddenly very pleased by this and did my best to use it as a segue for more optimistic expectations of the rest of the exhibit. Next I came upon a set of hundreds of blank pages nailed into the wall in huge packets with a pile of crumbled shreds settled on the floor beneath them. I stopped here again, trying to blend in behind the tour group, and (unable to see over a few of the taller guys that had shuffled to the back) read the little plaque beside it to pass the time. Apparently Modern Art can also be Interactive Art because the crumpled pages upon the floor, I was to learn, were all victims of their spectators. The argument was that art changes and is different for every person and so every person should be able to leave their mark and physically change the art for the next person by taking one of the pages and ripping it off the wall to crumple and throw it any way you like. (Shyly, still a bit unhappy with myself for even sort of liking this, I only ripped a tiny corner of a piece and balled it up to hide beneath its fallen comrades.)

The rest of the exhibit, though of course individual and unique in itself, didn’t impress me near so much as these first two minor discoveries as they—in my prejudiced mind—were all made up of more “classic” Modern styles such as the multi-colored geometrical forms and twisted shapes suspended several feet above the floor. Most of them, as the title of the exhibit suggests, are all meant to experiment with space and so they employed various optical illusions and colors in order to bend space and how the eye perceives it. The ideas behind the exhibit, I freely confess, do interest me a great deal and though I know more traditional art cannot communicate these ideas, I still feel the need to argue against these works deserving the title of “Art”.

For more, unbiased, information on the exhibit: http://blantonmuseum.org/works_of_art/exhibitions/park_place/index.cfm

On Campus Event

On Campus Event

So, as a little straight girl who used to be—and ashamedly so—homophobic, I’ve made the decision to do my best for my friends who are homosexual. For a while I thought simply by being friends with them and being able to speak openly about such things that I was being accepting and helpful enough as it was which is why it bothered me when I was invited by a lesbian friend of mine to come and support her at the LGBT Salon and found myself a good deal less than excited and a good bit more nervous than I had any right to be. But seeing as I could never justify it to myself not to go after initially telling her yes without even thinking about it, I showed up. I showed up alone, quietly, head tucked down, and eyes scanning for familiar faces. Fortunately, surprisingly, there were plenty of them. Everyone was situated around in a big circle taking up nearly the entire ballroom in a mix of students, faculty, and staff—a colorful showing in every sense of the word.
I sat there looking awkward between one of those acquaintance-friends that you reserve for just such an occasion and one of the more flamboyant supporters that I’d never met, embarrassing worries flushing through my head: do they now assume that I’m gay? Do I look embarrassed? Should I say something even though I’m straight? Of course, these were all stupid and eventually I did muster up the normalcy to put in my two cents. The big topic of the day was how to make SU not only more gay-friendly but also prouder of their gay population seeing as slurs and insults about homosexuality are certainly more present and, sadly, more widely accepted than just about any other prejudice on campus – even to the point of tour guides feeling the need to reassure visiting parents that we have Christian groups to counteract any LGBT activities that might be offered.
If you’re curious to know just what it is I piped up with, they had already mentioned maybe instituting some new diversity programs or activities with the incoming freshmen during orientation week – an idea which I happily supported – seeing as it had been just the day before when I’d attended the Trinity vs. SU soccer game and some very unsavory, very prejudiced, and hateful comments had been yelled at Trinity’s team and while I can’t say that I disapprove of all heckling, I can say that I find those sorts of hateful comments to be no worse or better than had they been racist slurs. I’m not saying we can or should ever try to force everyone at SU into a single line of thinking or that it is even possible for everyone to so quickly become comfortable with something they never have been comfortable with before, but I do think it is vital to the life of our liberal arts community that people be tolerant and respectful at the very, very least.
And really, what is it that people are so afraid of in differences? That these differences might affect or influence them in some way? Seems to me that those are the people who need the readjustment, who create the real need for parents to be reassured – “don’t worry, despite some minor prejudices on campus, we are in general very progressive and very accepting and are working to make sure that everyone – no matter what race, sexual preference, gender, etc – always feels safe and free here at Southwestern”.


still working on the off campus post,
so till then,
ciao,
katie m

Civic Engagement Goodness

All right, Civic Engagement – post-discussion – still to me can simply be defined as: the action of bettering or improving one’s community whether local or global. For us, for our Paideia group, I am convinced that though we are perfectly capable of accomplishing great change in our GTown community, that we could only near our fullest potential by splitting into at least two groups with two different projects though with a unifying theme or agenda (the groups would have to be about as equal in number as possible). I take this stand not because I think we couldn’t work together toward one singular goal but because I feel that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness – our diversity. Given everyone’s differing views, firm opinions, varying talents, and divergent comfort zones, I really just don’t see any way for all of us to settle on one specific project that will allow all of us to feel fulfilled and satisfied with at the end of it.
As for this idea of fulfillment and satisfaction, I do believe that this is a necessary part of the Civic Engagement project. It’s hardly selfish or self-righteous to be happy and glad to be doing a project or to feel good about helping others. In fact, I actually feel that by forcing anyone in the group to participate in a project they aren’t passionate about or interested in will basically force them into a position to feel and/or practice self-righteousness simply because then not only are they put in a position to feel resentful of those they’ll be helping but they’ll also have no positives to take out of the experience to allow them to connect to anything and so will only create a clearer bridge for them to feel sanctimonious or superior to those they’re meant to be bringing up and reassuring of their worth and equality – whether it be children, homeless, or the elderly.
At any rate, if we were to break into these two suggested groups, I feel that the idea of using the age contrast between working with the elderly and working with children was absolutely beautiful – especially so given our group and the theme of Human Behavior. Personally, while I do see the vast importance and great advantages and positives of working with children, I myself am not very good at working with them, let alone teaching them sports (as all who were there to witness my stunning lack of volleyball and dodge ball skills can testify). However, I can also understand the strangeness and fear of working with the elderly – it is actually a common fear and one that I have spent most of my high school years grappling with and would certainly feel more comfortable continuing on with rather than diverting back to sports and day camping. I see the skills and abilities in our group to handle and excel at both ends of the spectrum and I just think it would be wrong to try and force all of our efforts into one section or project when we could, in my opinion, benefit both ourselves and our communities much more by diversifying and then reconvening together for our normal biweekly lunch meetings.
As far as organization, research, and the prospect of group leaders go, it really does depend on what we decide to do within each group. If the group focusing on children were to decide to work with sports then yes, I think they would benefit greatly from group leaders whereas I feel that if the group working with the elderly were to simply be reading to the bedridden or just sitting and spending time with them, leaders would be unnecessary. Also, I don’t think working through a preexisting organization – where the service project with the elderly would be concerned – would be at all necessary whereas, given our time and funding constraints (not to mention all the legality details and hula hoops that are always tacked on to projects with children), I don’t see how we could manage any sort of project involving children without the support of a preexisting organization.
I apologize for not having more specific ideas on this last front to propose but given the level of uncertainty we seem to be lingering at, I don’t want to presume too much and leave someone else in the group at large feeling isolated or shushed out in some way. I’m happy to be argued with – I only want for every member of our group to be able to participate in a project that means something to them as well as those they’d be working for. All in all, for myself, I feel like working with the elderly is what would be most fulfilling for me, something that I would be happy to perpetuate for the remainder or the school year and perhaps even on throughout my junior and senior year and in that way, through this level of enjoyment from service, I believe that I (and we) could make a much bigger difference than possible with a simple one-Saturday fund raiser or such.

Here’s to hopin’,
Katie