I cannot believe I only have three weeks left of my undergraduate career. I feel as if I am suddenly made of heavy, wet tissue paper, leaving pieces of me everywhere, more sensitive somehow.
When considering how exactly to fit three years worth of reflection into a two page summary, I went back to our drawing board: our Paideia blogs. At the very beginning, our cohort was much larger, much louder, and much less crazed. It’s been an interesting case study in its own way, to see who survived, how they did it, and what they look like/act like/speak like/believe by the end of this program. Everyone seemed to not only become progressively different but also progressively more stressed (including Dr. Giuliano!) as we’ve approached this final semester.
My very first blog was submitted on Saturday, August 30th, 2008 and in the very next blog, I wrote on the basics of why I had decided to join Paideia.
“I signed up for Paideia because I thought it was a program that really championed the ideals of a liberal arts institution and that it would help me to become a person more accepting of other opinions as well as better able to form my own. I signed up for the Human Behavior group in particular because I think it will yield some wonderful benefits and open some great windows for me as an English major that I wouldn't otherwise get to enjoy.”
And, looking back, I sincerely believe that Paideia has fulfilled all of the hopes and expectations I had for it. Of course, our cohort went through some bumps and confusions along the way, but I truly believe that I have become a more confident, more open, more considering, and more articulate person. The first informal presentation I gave in my cohort examined the ethics of torture warrants (a popular issue of discussion during the Bush presidency). And in this blog I actually defend the idea of torture warrants under the hope that it would lessen torture generally – through shame, I suppose. But in rereading this blog I recognize my old suppositions and thoughts, I recognize their general cogency, and I realize that I now disagree with them. That, for me, is proof not simply that Paideia has made me a more considerate person, but also that I have enabled myself to change and grow. – Paideia has given me room to move.
Now, I know that some Paideia cohorts have stricter themes such as music or healthcare but, I must say, I found the breadth and variety of our cohort’s discussions exceptionally stimulating. As I remarked in one of my blogs:
“From Kandinsky to how our language forms our perspectives on the world (those articles are still blowing my mind) to introverts taking back the floor – it’s been an extremely diverse and yet well blended semester, I think, so far.”
This gave me personal room to discuss and better consider different perspectives within my own interdisciplinary major, American Studies. Actually, now that I think of it, Paideia is part of the reason why I decided to double my English major with American Studies. Paideia gave some real purpose, some real definition to my undergraduate education. It enabled me to think of things from different avenues including possible means of applying my education to actions, to ameliorating my community and even my country.
In high school I knew I was going to college. In college I knew I wanted to major in English and then maybe become a professor one day. Now, thanks to the mindset Paideia helped me adopt, I’m going to George Washington University to earn an MA in American Studies with the recognition that, though I could still be a professor one day, what I’d really like to do is move to Washington, volunteer at the Spokane Indian Reservation, and write. Or maybe move to Wyoming and become a National Park Ranger. Or maybe become a high school teacher and work on devising new ways of improving the public school system in Texas.
I feel as though the world has opened itself up to me in so many new and beautiful ways that I had never before considered. The main concern I keep hearing from people is that they don’t believe I’ll be able to find a job with my degree. Well, in part thanks to the reflection, mindset, and support given to me by my Paideia experience, I know they’re simply thinking too small – they are limiting me and my education because they can’t see the larger picture. The world is larger than school – as Peter Elbow once said, school is short and life is long. So, while Paideia has ensured that I will be a lifelong student, it has also ensured that I no longer view life as a recipe with set ingredients that make up a set outcome. It’s opened me up, exploratory, new, adaptable, tolerant, Paideia.
